Posted by Mary Kragel on November 6, 2017 at 11:35pm
For the last 76 weeks I have spent an hour a week visiting my son in the county jail. Visiting has often been challenging; with thick glass between us, on often staticky phones while sitting on a hard slab of concrete! Sometimes with long waits and crowded noisy visiting rooms yet other times with no waits and quiet, almost peaceful visits. Regardless of the circumstances, my hope is that because of my visits, my son knows that his family has been there with him through this. I hope, too, that he will now realize most of the people that he chose over family almost two years ago are nowhere to be found, but his family is patiently waiting for his return!! I have had the luxury of having his undivided attention for an hour a week, sharing with him the ups and downs of daily family life, talking about the day to day happenings of politics; hurricanes and other newsworthy events and his plans and goals when he's out. I also take this time to talk about the path he chose and why he might have chose this path, how to ask for help and seek resources if he feels himself sliding that direction.I don't know how he could be my child with such low self-esteem. His dad and I were present and active in the young lives of our children; going on road trips, attending every practice and game in sports and supporting their education. How did this child grow up with such low self-esteem choosing drugs to help him cope and manage with his life. I have some guesses at this; depression, peer pressure, anxiety, etc, but they are only that. He is so bright and witty with a sense of humor that even our youngest family members enjoy. He also has this vulnerability that tears at my heart, which has lead me to enabling some of his behaviors. I've taken my responsibility of this and am determined to stand up to that!I am more aware of the "ins and outs" of jail procedures and rules. I am more aware of the unfairness of sentencing and the disparity in the courts and the jails and prisons. Sadly, I know what "the hole" is and how a 23 hour in of a 24 hour day plays on a psyche!! I've always been one to believe in second chances and realize that people are driven to bad decisions for a variety of reasons. I realize that mental health is a huge issue in our prisons and yet it continues to go unnoticed and under treated. I don't think a jail/prison sentence is the answer. I am aware that although there are a few CO's that may be fair, there are so many that are not, and the insults they impose only add to the injuries of inmates. And those injured that might step up to speak out have horrendous consequences.The first two weeks my son was in, I couldn't manage to go visit. My heart was broken. I was wrought with sadness and worry. I keep wondering where I went wrong with this child! After my two week mourning I was able to visit. I put on a brave face and visited, then cried all the way home. I can't say it got easier, but it became my new normal, as is the common saying amongst mothers of incarcerated children.Tomorrow my son comes home. 78 weeks later. I am luckier than so many. Our time has been short, but no less painful. I believe in second chances! We will embrace him and welcome him back into our home in hopes that he takes this opportunity to stand back up and meet his plans and goals. The journey now is much more difficult than it was before, but I am hopeful!
So happy for you Mary. We drove by neighborhood yesterday where my son grew up. My husband was in tears remember the old good days.
You sound like us. Mine been back home after spent 30 days. I didn’t have the strength to go visit him. He said not to come because he knew I will be crying. But his dad, brother and his little sister traveled there every week to visit him. Now I want for him to resume his college where he was a sophomore when all our nightmares started while his father was a faculty there. His dad’s dream was to be on the stage to shake his hands on graduation day his sad!
Mary..so happy your son is coming home!! How happy you must be! Everything you wrote is just like my son..it makes me cry i dont understand what happened with my son either..we were& still are always there for him.we did everything together as a family..my son is waiting to be moved to a federal prison im so scared & heartbroken.i cry everyday.we now have full custody of our granson.his son hes the only thing that keeps me going( sorry i could go on & on).anyway ..so happy for you.just take it one day @a time...love carla
Congratulations to your son coming home. I myself have a countdown, and am anxious for that day to come. I too believe in second chances. Prayers for your family and your son.
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You sound like us. Mine been back home after spent 30 days. I didn’t have the strength to go visit him. He said not to come because he knew I will be crying. But his dad, brother and his little sister traveled there every week to visit him. Now I want for him to resume his college where he was a sophomore when all our nightmares started while his father was a faculty there. His dad’s dream was to be on the stage to shake his hands on graduation day his sad!
Congratulations to your son coming home. I myself have a countdown, and am anxious for that day to come. I too believe in second chances. Prayers for your family and your son.